Some random thoughts after turning forty six

I was really glad that D liked the birthday surprise treat I planned for his milestone birthday. A weekend staycation of R & R. 

A few days later it was my dearest sister's turn to add another year to her age. We had fun, food and family bonding moments to mark the occasion.

A month into D's fifth decade, he got really sick with symptoms of the flu. Marked with high fever and the chills, yet he was being very stubborn about going to the hospital. Thankfully after almost a week he recovered and was restored back to his healthy disposition. But it goes without saying that I was beyond myself with anxiety and worries and I had to summon all the saints to make me strong to endure the ordeal.

On the other end of the spectrum, my sister is back in town and her surgery has been scheduled for this Thursday. It has been hectic prepping for all the tests she needs to undergo before the operation.

But she took a much needed time off to celebrate my 46th birthday, yesterday. Truth be told I was not in the mood to feast as D had sustained an ankle injury a few days ago. His right leg is terribly swollen, and his mobility is greatly limited.

But birthdays have always been a big deal in our family so naturally I put on my happy hat and a smile on my haggard face to enjoy my 46th year. Never mind that we spent half the day at a clinic for a doctor to examine the hubby's swollen ankle. The power of persuasion worked this time as he finally agreed to go to a doctor.

Now as the surgery is just a few days away, I'm really scared and fearful especially when my sister gives me a notebook listing down all her personal belongings, stuff like bank accounts records and her important documents etc. I know she is just being realistic but it certainly is not easy to put up a stoic stance and not show any emotions.

It seems like all I've done nowadays is ... worry, worry and worry some more. I stay up at nights and my mind wanders into dark places that offers no comfort. I'm weary but certainly not tired of assuming my caregiver role over and over again.

Since I have to admit, there are still some instances and glimmers of hopeful anticipation! So much so that I can't help but still be enormously grateful for the abundant blessings I enjoy and continue to cherish.

On that note, my 46-year-old self says: