"Is he happy?"

December 1 marked the start of the Advent season. It is the start of a new liturgical year for the Catholic church. Four Sundays which we observe before Christmas. Each Sunday represents the virtues of Christ such as hope, love, joy and peace. 

At the start of the mass during the 4 Advent Sundays, a candle on the Advent wreath is lighted. The First Sunday of Advent symbolizes hope and anticipation as we prepare for the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

In his homily, the priest recounted a story of someone interviewing a couple who have been married for 16 years. After asking how they met, what makes their marriage work, the wife was asked "is he happy?"  The wife couldn't reply. 

Father Mark further explains that that was the wrong question to ask of a married couple. In fact, it was a silly question. Fr. Mark said that once married, a couple become one and even though we're entirely different persons, it is a lifelong commitment and we must stay true to our vows in front of God and society, itself.  

The wife couldn't outright answer the question because regardless of her answer, it would reflect on their ability or inability to ensure your partner is happy, or sad. It takes two people to make a marriage work so if one of them is not happy, then it means you are not faithful to your vows and you are not fully committed to the sacrament of marriage.

All are really valid points but it got me reflective.

I come from a generation where women were taught to be obedient towards their husbands. We must put their needs over and above our own whims. Now the younger generation would say that your happiness or sadness should not depend on your partner. We need to find the right balance between being a wife or a mother (whatever the case may be) yet still be our own person. In short, one should not give up one's dreams or aspirations just because one is married. But we also do know that sometimes it is easier said than done.

My personal opinion - there is no 100% formula to a successful marriage. Everyone is different. We don't all go through the same struggles or hardships (which are integral parts of any marriage), but it is how we handle those obstacles individually or together that define how strong or weak the marriage is.  It definitely takes TWO people to make it work. Don't focus too much on the negative BUT learn to appreciate and celebrate the small victories, too.

Now if I was asked that question: Is your husband happy?

My answer: Ask him, yourself. LOL

Because my idea of happiness might be different from his. Even though we have been married for 16 years, I still cannot for the life of me read his mind. If this means, we are total opposites, maybe we are but we made a conscious effort, and life long decision to commit to each other, and I intend to stick to my vows. So far, so has he. 

Amen.