Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital, Room 328
It's where I've been holed in these past 3 days.
Watching over the most important man in my life.
My father.
My worst nightmare happened on Easter Sunday.
First comes the shock. Then panic sets in.
Rush to the hospital.
His blood pressure is way too high.
He has lost sensation in his right arm.
Initial findings - mild stroke.
I calmly try to settle down.
Hard to do when my mind clouds up.
My heart sinks. Mixed emotions setting in.
CT Scan. Battery of tests.
Official result - not a stroke.
But a suspicion of it.
Medically known as a brain spasm.
A Transitory ischemic attack.
I try to absorb what that means.
I put up a brave face. In public.
In front of my mother and sister.
At Home. In my bedroom. At nights.
I give in to grief. Cry. Loud sobs.
Heart breaking. Gut wrenching sadness.
All alone in the silence. Reality sinking in.
Scare invading the silence.
I know that despite the well wishes.
Of friends.
I am truly all alone to face my deepest fear.
That life would never be the same. Ever.
Yet still very hopeful.
For tomorrow is indeed a new day.

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