Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Spending a few days away from the condo unit was a refreshing change. The cool Antipolo air had me clad in a jogging outfit to keep me warm. I did fine without the aircon at nights - slept to the sound of stray cats meowing, the trees rustling and the wind blowing. I had a full sleep and woke up with the sun shining in my face. I also survived without the internet, now that is an amazing feat for me.

It made me reflect back to the year that will draw to a close shortly and ponder on the year ahead. I remember feeling terrified when my father retired in 2001, knowing we had no choice but to head back here for good. It was embarrassing that I couldn't control my tears from flowing down my face on that flight out of Dubai to Singapore for a stopover before landing at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. That was more than 2 years ago and till now I still have this feeling at the pit of my stomach that things, however settled they seem for now, will never be the same again.
2003 wasn't really a bad year for me though. I had the opportunity to return to Dubai for a short visit, entertained relatives I haven't seen in a long time, and I made a fairly good living.

Now with the dawning of a new year - what do I expect?
That is the scary part - I still have no clue what I want!
Certain questions keep haunting me - "Should I spice up my social life?" "How do I go about it?" "Why do I feel like no matter what I do I won't feel satisfied?" "Am I too afraid to make a commitment?" "Do I stay in a relationship that isn't going anywhere?" "Is it lust, love or neither?" "Is he worth it?" "Will I ever find someone who can make me feel complete without losing my identity?" "Would having a lovelife to speak of - solve all my problems?" "Do I disappoint my parents?" "Is my sister happy?" Etc

I'm hoping this is all due to S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or holiday blues and sooner or later I will snap out of it.

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