Thursday, November 15, 2007

Alert: major emotional roller coaster post ahead
In some previous post I mentioned my way of dealing with stressful situations is to cry. Well true to form, I had a nervous breakdown, the other night. Ok so it was more like the wee hours of the morning. After my nightly phone call to D, I sat on a small stool in my sister's office. We started discussing my wedding plans and my married life thereafter.

The thing is I have no problems at all with D. I have known since the very beginning what he could offer, what to expect or not to expect from him. I had my doubts if *I* could adapt to his lifestyle and kept changing the topic whenever he mentioned the M word. Yet as the months went by, I was willing to compromise and in the process I conditioned myself. Now I'm confident I am ready to face the task ahead. I credit it largely to D's laissez faire attitude, his optimistic outlook on life and his genuinely nurturing ways. Sa Tagalog, ang gaan gaan ng pakiramdam ko pag kasama ko si D.

But it has been very difficult for me to explain to my family my desire to settle down. The family who has raised me for 39 years. The family that has blessed me with material and emotional support unconditionally. The family who is now supporting me in full force. The family that overwhelms me in their need to make my transition into married life as comfortable as possible.

I know that it is all my fault. In my usual protectively guarded style about my romantic involvements, I don't tell them about D's lifestyle. I wanted to shield my family from the disappointment. I didn't want them to expect too much from D. I wanted D to feel welcome by my family. Of course they have welcomed him with open arms. For me to open up to my family was pretty daunting and vice versa. I understand my family's concerns considering the fact that I don't openly discuss any aspects of my relationship with D. So I was emotionally troubled yet kept up a brave front in view of all the arrangements I had (have) to deal with.

The tears started to roll down my cheeks when I told my sister, everything. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I let it all out. My sister who believe me has her plate totally full and overflowing with a million things bore the full brunt of my emotional meltdown. Really embarrassing yet very cathartic for me. A major stress reliever. I aired my concerns, my fears, my excitement, my happiness. So after that tearful episode, things have toned down quite a bit. I don't let the interrogation sessions bother me anymore. I feel much better. I sleep better. I've regained my appetite. I panic less. I smile more. I just need to take one baby step at a time and relax more. I should probably spend less time reading and actually go out and make the darn bookings already! Teehee =)

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