Sunday, January 13, 2008

A 2 year plan
The cynical sarcastic former me never made plans even if my life depended on it. I guess you can say that I was bitterly hurt with the cards I was dealt with year after year. I was frustrated with everything from my non existent career to my zero love life. I was always striving to find inner peace of mind. A constant struggle to give my life some meaningful purpose.

But there is one thing I never gave up on - HOPE.

Clouds over White Beach, Boracay

Despite being bitter, cynical and sarcastic - I was always hopeful that things will eventually change for the better. That there is a silver lining behind the dark clouds. A rainbow after the harsh storms. A beacon of light shining through the abyss. So I made a decision and a choice to ease myself out of the rut. To be more positive. To see things at a brighter angle. To take time to smell the roses. To smile more. To stop feeling sorry for myself. To wake up each morning with a wide smile. And most of all to thank God for blessing me with everything I had. Never mind that I always felt like there was always something missing. It was time to roll up my sleeves and face each day with a renewed attitude based on positive energy and good vibes. I'm glad that it worked!

In turn I found D or he found me whichever way you see it. But hang on, I certainly won't entirely credit D for making my life all rosy right now. But he plays a big part. Hmmm let's say about 80%. =) Because I sincerely believe that in order to love someone, you have to love yourself more, a lot more. I don't mean that in a I'm so vain way, either. It has more to do with your inner self. How you feel inside, exudes and manifests itself on the outside. I like to think I have changed for the better. Now, I'm more patient. More tolerable. Less cynical. Not bitter at all. Less sarcastic. My outlook in life and my attitude towards other people has positively changed. This is a self depreciating post so indulge me a bit. I will get to my point eventually.

I got our wedding bands last Friday. I was satisfied with the craftsmanship, the design and the way it felt on my left hand. My name Daphne was beautifully scripted and etched inside D's ring with the date of our nuptials 05-15-08. The engraving glaringly said it all. I will formally be a certain Mrs F, in 4 months time!

This in turn triggered in me a knee jerk reaction that I needed to take concrete steps to ensure as humanely possible that my married life would be as happy as my single life. Of course, being only human and going by the premise that man is never satisfied, there is no guarantee that D and I will always be as happy as we are right now.

I thought it was wise to come up with a plan which is subject to compromises, negotiations and sacrifices. Since I have a short attention span, the best I could theoretically come up with is a 2 year plan. This includes the rest of this year, 2008 and the whole of 2009. Hmmm maybe I should call it the 1 year and a half plan? I cannot guarantee nor do I want to say it is fool proof and that it will definitely work. But subsisting on an auto pilot course till now I guess I should be credited for at least coming up with a plan in the first place, right? Yes I'm being boastful. =)

I won't reveal what this plan specifically entails. Hopefully I can stick to it. But at the same time I know I won't feel frustrated if it doesn't unfold as expected. After all in the immortal words of the great John Lennon - "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

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