Friday, August 19, 2011

Alert: this post arises from my hormonal imbalance so read at your own risk!

Would you believe that this innocent looking device which resembles a ball pen is actually a really potent injection? An injection which I have to administer to myself for 5 days? YES to both questions!

My 3 loyal readers already know about my struggle with infertility. After a particularly horrible and sad incident last month, it was time to go for a more aggressive approach to tackle our problem.

This move was painful in many ways:
First of all, I had to consult a new OB-GYN, a fertility specialist. This meant I would no longer have the nurturing guidance of my doctor. She was/is such a kalog gynecologist who made all my monthly hospital visits such a joyous experience. I could call or text her any time of the day or night and hound her with my numerous questions and she happily obliged all my queries with matching smiley faces in her text messages.

Secondly, this move requires more frequent hospital visits, more extensive blood tests, more probing ultrasounds and high dosage medicines to be taken at specific intervals. I'm just glad that I am an organized person by nature so I chart all the requirements accordingly.

Thirdly, it goes without saying that it would eat up most if not all of our savings. So no need to elaborate about the financial aspect.

When I went for my first consultation with my new doctor (whose clinic is also located in the same hospital) she enumerated all the steps I had to go through during the span of my monthly cycle. She was very knowledgeable and quite professional in her approach. In fact, too professional for my taste. It all seemed so easy on paper.

Then the 'fun' part starts and everything spirals into this chaotic mixture of stress, fatigue and hormonal changes. Surprisingly I am quite alright physically. I am not and have never been afraid of needles and or injections so I am not squeamish. As far as I know, it seems that my body is adjusting well to the meds she prescribed.


The mental anguish coupled with the pressure, the stress and constant worry if I am doing it correctly is completely and astonishingly overwhelming. I reckon that the hormonal imbalance is entirely and largely to blame. But gosh, I tell you truly I cannot and won't recommend it to anyone!

I've been struggling for three (3) years now and sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it? Do I keep trying? Or is it time to simply quit and throw in the towel and accept my fate?

Questions which float in the thin air like dust and they can be answered and discussed in various ways. For now I'm just not too sure I am ready to face the answers!

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