Quote, unquote

This past week, I learned that although we have been married for four years there are still certain things I discover about my hubby. It is a mixed blend of good habits and bad behavioral patterns. Some I discover by chance, others by accident.

Mostly I'm surprised, other times I'm disappointed. A gamut of mixed emotions flood me all at once when they are revealed, especially when I least expect them. I won't get into the intimate details but suffice it to say, I don't handle surprises well. In fact I don't like getting surprised, period.

My initial reactions tend to vary. I retreat to avoid verbal confrontation. I clam up and cry myself dry. I give him the silent treatment. I've known to do that for as long as I still feel the pain in my bleeding heart. Whenever he enters a room I'm in, I rush downstairs or vice versa.

More often than not, I feel it is my fault. That somehow I brought it upon myself. Then self doubt slowly creeps in. I lose my appetite. I just feel totally dejected with everything and everyone. It isn't pleasant but that's how I deal with rejection.

Then after days of self neglect and self pity woes, along with prolonged silent treatment, I slowly get my senses back and take off my drama queen hat. I have to make an effort to mend our differences because it is just the two of us in this apartment, and I have no one to talk to. Talking to myself is not an option.

Communication is a vital tool in any relationship. Once that goes out of the window, you might as well sign the annulment papers. Ooops perhaps that's too drastic. I have a tendency to over analyze everything that happens, either good or bad. I should learn to be less uptight but I believe for every act that occurs, there must be a valid reason for it. So you better defend that act with the fierce argument of a criminal lawyer or you don't deserve a second chance.

"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest."

I admit that D is the bravest. Unfortunately, I'm not strong because it takes me a long time to forgive and I NEVER ever forget!

I conclude with another quotation:

"When you know something bad happens for the better, you find happiness in your pain"

. But my question is: What if it still hurts so much, you cannot find anything happy about it? What would you do?