Paralysis
Last night, my monitor exploded.
Yes, you read it right.
The freaking thing burst.
Usually I would tap it and it would be ok.
But my hand was already hurting from hitting and hitting and hitting it some more. But it wont budge.
So in my exasperation, I got hold of Salman Rushdie really thick book and slammed it as hard as I could on the darn monitor.
Bad idea but hey I was at my wit's end.
Ergo. It snapped and burst.
For a moment I was expecting my room to be in flames.
But luckily for me, it did not short circuit the electricity.
So now I am monitor less and making do with this really old laptop.
A Texas instruments loaded with Windows 98, it has no yahoo messenger, no MIRC, the browser is really slow and several letters are missing on the keyboard.
In short, I can only do very basic Internet functions which if you know me well enough, would realize how paralyzed I feel right now.

Therefore in order to preserve my sanity, I interrupt this post to make an announcement. I have decided to go on a blogging hiatus.
So to the 3 people who read this blog, don't be alarmed, this is just temporary. I will be back next month just in time for the 2nd anniversary of this blog.
Till then, keep smiling and take care.
Hasta la bye ... bye! =)

I just want to say ...

I don't know why Matthew McConaughey was voted "Sexiest Man Alive". I don't find him the least bit attractive.

It is rather unfortunate that every single cinema theater in this country is showing the latest Harry Potter movie. Come on, what about people like me who aren't into wizardry? But I guess I'm part of the silent minority, huh?

The other day while I was grocery shopping at Rustan's, Rockwell I saw this little Japanese kid. She must have been about 4 years old, had jet black straight hair and was cute as a doll. I remember thinking to myself ... 'Gosh, I wonder what his baby would look like'. Then, I snapped out of it because I promised myself I wasn't going to sink into my melancholic mood again.

I had no idea there was already a Christmas tree at the lobby of the building I reside in. It is a beautiful ornately decorated tree. It sure uplifted my spirits. I'm glad I chanced upon it because I usually go straight to the basement parking.

I'm glad I will get to finally see my friends from UST again next week. I can't believe the last time we saw each other was almost 2 years ago, if I'm not mistaken. I can be such a recluse sometimes, alright wait let me correct that ... I am *indeed* a recluse!

After reading this week's Time Magazine, I can't wait to watch "Memoirs of a Geisha".


Primarily because Ken Watanabe will be in it. I hope Rob Marshall was able to capture the poignant essence of the novel. It remains one of the few books I read in just 3 days because it was too good to put down.

I'm so loving Los Lonely Boys' song "Heaven", right now. It has such a catchy Latin beat to it. It makes me feel like dancing naked in my room. Ok relax, I won't be naked.

HEAVEN
Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Cause I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of livin'
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me
Cause I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayin' Lord
Just keep on livin', how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me
(translated from Spanish)
(You that's in a higher place
Send me down a blessing)
Cause I know there's a better place
Than this place I'm livin', how far is heaven
And I just got to have some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far

Another interesting meme
1. Flip open a dictionary and point to a word.
2. Type the word into Google images.
3. Pick an image that strikes you.
4. Write a 10 line RIFF of the image.
5. Use the word or the meaning of the word at least once within the first 5 lines of your riff.


My word - "Morning"
My Image - Eiffel Tower, Paris

Laurel couldn't believe she was really in Paris.
The whole night she kept tossing and turning in bed.
Sleep eluded her. She blamed it on jet lag.
But in reality, she knew the real reason.
She was alone.
Greg promised he would take her to Paris.
He never did.
4 months have passed since she buried the love of her life.
The crisp cold morning air from the open window made her shiver. She decides to explore the city of her dreams.
Laurel smiled as she snapped a picture of the Eiffel Tower.
Silently, she whispered ... "I am going to be ok".

What are you?*
*in just two words - no more and no less.



I Am
damaged goods

A few things (before I head out)
There was a power outtage in my residence last night so I couldn't sleep in the stifling heat. So I'm cranky now and my cold has worsen. Argh.

I finally found a VCD of Yentl. The movie I've been searching for ages.

There is an Israeli film festival to be shown at SM Megamall. November 17, 18, 19.

I do recommend FlightPlan.

Yes I like to wear loose blouses and I have really bad skin.
So if you accidentally bump into me in public. Kindly refrain from asking when I am due and what happened to my face. I am not pregnant! My bad skin breakout is due to some imbalance in my hormones.
Ok, you got that?

Alright I'm out of here!

When the cat is away, the mouse gets to play
My sister is coming back from Davao, tonight.
She's been away since Wednesday so you can just imagine the total disarray my abode is in. Empty beer bottles, dishes in the sink, unmade beds, scattered pizza boxes, a film of dust particles all over.

Ok, I just incriminated myself as a total slob.

I've spent hours online.
Doing *some* work.
Reading my favorite blogs.
Blog surfing for credits on Blog Explosion.
Uploading my pictures on my travelogue.
Downloading mp3s.
Other nefarious activities the internet has to offer.
Surviving on 2 hours of sleep.

I figured I might as well take advantage.
It is rare I get to be online without my sister screaming at me to log off because she is expecting an important fax.

But I do miss my sister.
The house I am not the same without her, here.
I turn into a beer guzzling, sleep deprived perverted sloth.

Yikes!

Friday's Feast
Appetizer
If someone made a statue of you, in which pose would you like to be?
My eyes closed, my legs crossed in a lotus position, back straight and looking very peaceful and calm.

Salad
What perfume/cologne does your best friend wear?
Oh gosh, I have no idea. I don't ask him such trivial matters.

Soup
Name something satisfying about your work.
Flexible hours - I only work when I feel like it.

Main Course
What was the last excuse you made, and why did you need to make it?
I told a friend I was supposed to treat for my birthday that I was busy with work. The truth is I don't want to hear her complain endlessly about her life.

Dessert
Complete this sentence:
I wonder why I still love him so much!

"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."
Robert Louis Stevenson

Yes probably guided by the above quote, I used to travel far and wide back in the good old days. My wanderlust tendencies peaked during the 6 years we lived in Dubai, UAE (1995 - 2001).
I spent a fortune on rolls of film (no digicam yet back then) and then spent hours scanning them, trying to get the correct resolution. I saved most of them on my hard disk. Alas, my old computer conked out and I lost my pictures.
So I'm glad I discovered a website where I can store them in a travelogue format. There are other cities I've visited which I did not include in my travelogue.
a) I couldn't find my scanned pictures
b) I am too lazy to rummage through boxes of my photo albums, scan then upload them to the website.
Too much trouble!

Anyways, I suggest you preserve those memorable shots of your vacations, the site is called Travelpod.
Hey check out my travelogue!
Now, I realize why I don't have any savings, I've traveled way too much! =)

What would you write on your epitaph?
Click here for your own tombstone.

Laughter time

Questionnaire
10 Firsts
First Best Friend(s): Julie
First Screen Name: Laurel
First Pet: Polly, a parrot
First Piercing: both ears
First Crush: Ronald
First CD: probably a BonJovi CD - I don't remember
First Car: I don't drive
First Love: Duli
First Stuffed Animal: None
First Job: Consular clerk, Philippine Embassy, Singapore

9 LASTS
Last Cigarette: I don't smoke
Last Alchoholic Beverage: San Mig Lite Beer, last night
Last Car Ride: today, gallivanting with my sister
Last Movie Seen in Theaters: "Hidden Blade"
Last Phone Call: yesterday, I called my mother
Last CD Played: compilation of Rockstar:INXS mp3s
Last Bubble Bath: At the Westin Philippine Plaza hotel
Last Time You Were Drunk: Eve of my birthday
Last Time You Cried: Last Saturday

8 HAVE-YOU-EVERS
Been outside the country: Yes
Dated one of your best friends: Yes
Been arrested: No
Skinny dipped: Since I can't swim, No
Been on TV: Yes but only on those TV sets which they sell at appliance stores and they capture people passing by :D
Kissed someone and then regretted it: Absolutely!
Had a sex dream about someone you knew: Yes
Cheated: during an exam, no. While in a relationship? Yes

7 THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. Orange bra
2. Gray tank top
3. Pink shorts
4. Orange underwear
5. Earrings
6. Watch
7. Eyeglasses

6 THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. Checked my emails
2. Work
3. Window shopped at Greenhills.
4. Dinner at Italianni's Megamall branch.
5. I bought this book from National Book Store.
6. Watched "Survivor: Guatemala"

5 FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
1. Scented candles.
2. My computer
3. The Internet
4. Books
5. Vcds/Dvds

4 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO
1. My sister
2. ER
3. Donna
4. Pinky

3 CHOICES
1. Black or White: Black shoes and white shirts/blouses
2. Hot or Cold: Hot showers and cold drinks
3. Sun or Rain: Definitely rain because I hate to sweat but then I don't like the humidity after it rains.

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Visit the Pyramids
2. Take a hot balloon ride

ONE THING YOU REGRET
Nothing!

Broken down palace
That's how it feels in this humble loft I call home.
One by one, the vital appliances have conspired to go kaput.
2 weeks ago, my sister's laptop just went blank.
Last week, it was the ever dependable rice cooker.
2 days later, the fax machine started acting funny.
This morning, my monitor flickers on and off.
As of today, we are still waiting for the Fujitsu Service center to call us regarding my sister's laptop.
I've borrowed my parents' extra rice cooker.
The fax machine is still busted.
And if you hear a banging sound that would be me hitting my freaking monitor to make it function normally.
I have this really expensive habit of just buying brand new ones to replace those devices who decide for no apparent reason to conk out.
Luckily for me, I am broke.

But.

This didn't stop me from convincing my sister that we do a market survey. So off we went to Megamall, weaving in and out of computer shops, collecting brochures of fax machines, laptops and even cellphones. It took a huge amount of will power not to just give in to temptation and splurge like crazy.

But, wait!
Surely you cannot expect two single women with purchasing power to go home from the mall empty handed right?
That is a serious violation of human rights.
Ergo.
My sister is now the beaming owner of 2 pairs of sporty pumps.
Me, well I only buy 2 items: books and/or movies.
Today, I add "The House of Flying Daggers" to my VCD collection.

Battle scars
I did say on the first day of October that I was looking forward to having a good month.
It being my birthday month and all.
But now that it is over, I'm just glad I survived it.

Mere words cannot truly express my complete devastation.
The day I heard that he was going to be a father, soon.
I swear a black cloud formed in the blue skies.
I've always been baffled why certain women react quite strongly when they find out that their ex boyfriends were getting married.
Now I know how it feels.
I am still hurting a lot.
It is rather foolish, I know.
We were never a couple.
It has been almost 3 years since I've known him.
Albeit only virtually.
A year has passed since I told him my true feelings.
He didn't really reciprocate.
He had issues with the distance.
Both of us too stubborn to make any effort.
To bridge the distance.
We've been there several times in our sordid pasts.
So we weren't up to it any more.
I left it at that, I accepted it and moved on.
I tried dating again.
You know guys that are geographically present.
But.
They didn't challenge me enough.
There was always something missing.
ER still remains the only person I really confide in.
My deepest fears, my grating inadequacies.
My gaping flaws, my darkest secrets.
Everything.
I lose all track of time when we chat.
Politics, religion, movies, relationships.
Name every possible topic under the sun.
I'm sure we've discussed it incessantly.
So silently in my delusional state, I was still hopeful.
That things would work out for the both of us.
Even if in reality I knew he was dating someone.
That deep down, I knew it was never meant to be.
Yet the main point here is that I was hopeful.
"Hope" is the reason we wake up every single morning, why we have happy thoughts, why we sleep tight at nights.
It gives us a purpose to exist.
A meaning to our weary, twisted life.
Anyways the euphoria over my birthday did me some good.
I was able to simply enjoy my day without a heavy heart.
I felt I owed it to myself to be happy.
I was.
Now I am slowly picking up the shattered pieces of my heart.
The harsh reality is slowly sinking in.
Lately I've managed to sleep without drenching my pillows.
So I suppose that's a good sign.

I definitely need to move onward.
Just bury myself with work, work and more work.
No more film festivals to distract me.
No more birthdays to celebrate.
No more procrastinating.
No more cemeteries to pay homage to.
No more pining over someone.
Just go ahead and earn my green bucks.
And maybe just maybe I will finally buy myself a new cellphone. Not that I really need one.

But.

I think it's time I indulged in material items to make me happy.
I tried investing in my emotions.
But I only got terribly bruised.
I'm scarred for the rest of my life.
I have the pimples marks to prove it.

P.S.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy for him.
I believe this baby is his lucky charm.
Even if he doesn't think so.
I am still going to be here for him.
No matter what.

"Zendagi Migzara"
A review of "Kite Runner", the book by Khaled Hosseini.
It is a very poignant story about 2 childhood friends, Amir and Hassan. One is the son of a distinguished merchant living in luxury in Kabul while Hassan is the son of their servant, Ali. Together they form a deep bond despite the difference in their ethnic and civil background. Their main activity is to go kite running. A favorite past time of all the children living in Afghanistan during the glorious years of the monarchy. We witness their friendship take an ugly turn when Amir betrays his friend, Hassan. He forces his father to let the servants go when he falsely accuses them of stealing. We are also lead to experience the turmoil that Afghanistan goes through when the Soviets invade the land. Amir and his father are lucky enough to escape during the Soviet invasion and make a fresh start in the United States of America. There, Amir and his father get a second chance to mend their awkward relationship towards each other. Amir meets his soul mate, Soraya, a young Afghan woman marries her and despite their inability to have children, their life is blissful yet routinely ordinary. Until, one day, he receives word from an old friend of his father, Rahim Khan about Hassan. After almost 15 years, Amir returns to Afghanistan to sort out his life and tries to redeem himself, to correct his past mistakes. By this time, the Talibans have driven away the Soviets and Afghanistan is transformed into a strictly Islamic state where total anarchy reigns. Amir discovers the truth about Hassan's identity and must make extreme sacrifices to save Sohrab (Hassan's son) from the hands of the Taliban.

I won't reveal the significant ending of the story. I admire the simplistic approach of the author to describe the events in the story. The characters are amazingly humane. You get the feeling that they are not merely fictional caricatures but actually exist in real life. The extreme turmoil that Afghanistan and its citizens went through and is still experiencing right now is graphically detailed in several sentences. This is the author's first English book so he uses very basic words yet the message comes across in a very powerful manner. You can feel the poignancy in its sheer simplicity. I was drawn into a really different culture. A very vibrant society thriving in a land steeped with a rich colorful heritage. A world away from the dark propaganda that the media tends to portray when we think of Afghanistan. I know the movie based on this book is currently in the pre-production stage. I am certainly looking forward to watching it. I just hope they don't make it into a big Hollywood production. This would be rather unfortunate because it would ruin the delicate essence of this very emotional book.

My favorite line in the book is when Amir says:"If someone were to ask me today whether the story of Hassan, Sohrab and me ends with happiness,
I wouldn't know what to say.
Does anybody's?
After all, life is not a Hindi movie.
Zendagi migzara, Afghans like to say:
Life goes on, unmindful of beginning, end, kamyab, nah-kam, crisis or catharsis, moving forward like a slow, dusty caravan of kochis.
I wouldn't know how to answer that question."

Now ain't that the truth?