"Life offers you a thousand chances, all you have to do is take one"
I always thought that Tuscany was in France.
I learn it's in Italy after watching "Under the Tuscan Sun".
Little did I know that when I was in Florence, I was right in the heart of the Tuscan region.
Now back to the movie!
Diane Lane portrays Frances Mays, a recently divorced American writer.
While on a 10 day 'gay' tour of Tuscany, she impulsively buys a villa.
She meets people who become her 'family'.
The Polish immigrants who renovate 'Bramasole'.
The aging film star, Katherine who was discovered by Fellini.
The realtor, Senor Martini who faithfully checks up on her.
Her neighbors whose grandmother was spurned by her online lover.
Patti, her pregnant Asian lesbian best friend.
Marcello, a gigolo who breaks her fragile heart.
Eventually, everything simply falls into place.
Lovely scenery, quirky characters, funny dialogue.

Frances: I'm in Italy I can hire the muscular descendants of Roman Gods to do the heavy lifting.
Patti: Yeah right!

Frances: Do traffic lights mean anything here?
Marcello: Sure. Green light ... avanti avanti
Marcello: Yellow light ... a decoration
Frances: What about red light?
Marcello: Just a suggestion!

Marcello: You have beautiful eyes Francesca.
Marcello: I wish I could swim in them.
Frances: That is exactly what American women think Italian men will say

Patti: These are straight men!
Frances: In tights.
Patti: Twirling flags.
Patti: How fantastic!
Frances: YES!!!

I loved the movie. I saw it 3 times before returning it to the video store.
It brought back fond memories of my travels to Bella Italia!

Mp3s
I just finished downloading mp3s.
It takes me about 20 minutes for each song.
I know it can be much faster if I had DSL.
But this building doesn't have the infrastructure.
So I just wait, patiently. I play Internet Checkers.
I blog hop. I forward emails. I sing.
I stayed up for the following songs:

3 Doors Down - "Here without You"

[aka the I.MISS.IYAD song]

I'm here without you baby.
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and
I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby,
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight there's only you & me.

SouthBorder - "Rainbow"

Take a little time, baby.
See the butterflies colors.
Listen to the birds that were sent to sing for me and you.
Can you feel me?
This is such a wonderful place to be. Even if there is pain now.
Everything will be alright.
For as long as the world still turns, there will be night and day.
Can you hear me?
There's a rainbow always after the rain.

Harem Scarem -"Honestly"

Tell me honestly,
if you're still loving me.
Looking into my eyes honestly.
Words have more meaning,
if they're said at certain times.
I need you now so I can feel alive!

This past weekend

I didn't go to my parents' place.

I took a total of 6 showers.

I forwarded funny emails.

I had a brief conversation with a neighbor.

I inhaled toxic pest control fumes.

I watched 2 movies on VCD.

I played Internet Checkers till 4:30 a.m.

I listened to Maroon 5's This Love repeatedly.

I cleaned the aircons' filters.

I got my new jeans from Alterations Plus.

I accompanied my sister to the dentist.

I binged on Hershey's chocolate bars.

I caught Wajdi on MIRC, briefly.
Wajdi: tks 4 remembering my bday, coz I forgot it
Me: welcome, u forgot ur own birthday?
Wajdi: yup
Wajdi: only today I knew it when I saw my email
Me: oh how sad
Wajdi: not really, you know I don't celebrate it
Me: that's true but still ....

I watched his documentary on CNN.

I read these articles in Time Magazine.
March 22 issue
"Doing it Depp's Way" Most Unusual Star.
"Welcome back, Capos" - "The Sopranos".
March 29 issue
"Who's the real enemy now?" AL-Qaeda's new look.
"The Last Don" - 'Big Joey' Massino.
"The Trial of Ben Affable" Ben Affleck

I sang "Do Ya think I'm Sexy" in the car.

I went grocery shopping.

I laughed when I hear this on the radio:
Male DJ: There you go, that was Andrea Bocelli.
Female DJ: His concert's at Araneta Coliseum on April 30.
Male DJ: I didn't know he was blind.

Female DJ: WHAT?!! So you thought it was normal for him to sing with his eyes always closed?!

"You'll always be my friend(s).
You know too much."
Me: have you seen Love actually?
Me: there is this character in that movie who sort of reminded me of you
Erik--: not yet.. Did you like it?
Me: yes I loved it
Erik--: oh? Maybe I should see it and try to guess which character :)
Erik--: then I can see if I guess right... Or why ;)
Me: it was just my 'inner' feeling
Erik--: I see ... ok, I'm curious
Me: yeah so go watch it
Me: well if it is still showing there

@---<----
Greatguy: hey daph
Greatguy: sorry to hear about the way things went with that guy
Greatguy: but it was obviously not meant to last
Greatguy: still it was nice as a generator of good feelings
Greatguy: and I still think it is a sign of good things to come
Greatguy: hugs ... hugs ... and more hugs
Greatguy: be positive ... If you can
Greatguy: you'll be better off

@---<----
DoNna: maybe tomorrow me and mar will go to the sea near our home to eat lunch
DoNna: here it's not that humid ... not like dubai it's very dry here
Me: ah ok in dubai you would melt like ice cream
DoNna: I know LOL
DoNna: we have the high temperatures like dubai but without the high humidity
DoNna: here we just fry like an egg if we go outside LOL
DoNna: Dubai is too humid and Kuwait is too dry!
Me: ack!
Me: don't they have some place just right?
DoNna: hmmm nope LOL
DoNna: everywhere is either too hot or too cold
Me: I know
DoNna: when its hot we complain and when its cold we complain
Me: yeah never satisfied
Me: whining bitches
DoNna: exactly! LOL
DoNna: anything new with u sis?
DoNna: nothing with me LOL
DoNna: same sh** different day LOL
Me: new jeans ... That's all
DoNna: LOL

@---<----
John wrote:
[March 19] hi how are you feeling? Much better? Hey tiramisu is good for the sorrow you know.. Well at least for me .. Kidding... :P take care hope you feel better...
[March 21] Just checking on you.. Making sure you're ok.. Take care....
[March 23] Hope days are coming easier.. As they should come ... Take care ... Miss our chats!

"Thy will be done"
Despite my sister nagging me to death.
I kept postponing it.
I felt I needed to condition myself.
But I finally watched "The Passion of the Christ."
I have always been the least skirmish one in this family. But this film gripped me.
I had to cover my eyes during the horrific scenes.
It was heart wrenching.
I still vividly remember when I visited Jerusalem.
5 days pilgrimage to the Holy Land. March 2000.
Walking through the Garden of Gethsemane.
Roaming the narrow steps of the Via Dolorosa.
Then finally climbing to the top of Golgotha.
The very spot where Jesus Christ was crucified.
That trip is etched in my soul forever.
This film made it all the more poignant for me.

Shopping
Great therapy to get over a break up.
Albeit expensive.
Last time I shopped this vigorously was eons ago.
March 2001, to be exact.
During my European grand vacance.
I ransacked the shops in Brussels, Belgium.
I came home with 2 extra suitcases.
Loaded with clothes, accessories & shoes.
It helps that I no longer need to save my money.
For that Dubai trip I was planning later this year.
I'm still reeling from the huge chunk of expenses.
I incurred last year.
I bought a new computer and a digicam.
Plus the airfare & accommodation for just 1 week.
In Dubai to celebrate Iyad's birthday together.
But what the heck! It's my money.
So even if my feet hurt. My wallet, empty.
My body, tired from trying all those outfits.
My stomach, sensitive from overeating.
The weather, stuffy and humid.
I just take a look at my harvest. I smile gleefully.
My soul is happy.

A relatively great day [Yesterday]
I had a sinful lunch at Dencio's Rockwell.
Bulalo Steak, Shrimps with taba ng aligue.
Chicharon Bulaklak & Green Mango Shake.
My body laden with cholesterol and fatty acids.
Just about enough to clog my arteries.
Then I had extra dose of caffeine at Cibo.
Might as well go for the kill.
You only live once!

I finally watched Love Actually.
My favorite season - Christmas.
My favorite topic - Love.
My favorite actors - Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman, Laura Linney, Emma Thompson.
My favorite phrases - Everytime, someone would say 'Right', 'Indeed' & 'Excellent' in their cute British accent.
My favorite scene - Mark, showing up at Peter's place complete with sound effects and a cardboard expressing his true sentiments to Juliet. Then walking off with a smile on his face, he uttered "Enough". He was finally moving on.
My sentiments - Felt good in a mushy cosy way with big smile to boot.

I received a text message last night.
Iyad: Just wanna say hi & hope you're doing well.
Me: It's been tough but il be ok tks. Wish u well.
Sent genuinely with no hurt feelings at all.
Wishing though the text was from someone else.
Sighed. Then promptly slumbered into dreamland.

The search is on
Would you believe I only own one pair of jeans?
Yes, that's true.
All the years I lived abroad I only wore pants.
It had to do with projecting an image.
Daughter.of.diplomat.dress.appropriately image.
I bought my one and only existing 'XOXO' jeans.
At Bur Juman Mall, Dubai.
A year before we were due back in Pinas for good.
Now that I am an 'average' citizen once more.
It was time for me to dress the part.
To blend in with the jeans wearing crowd.
My main problem though is that I'm very picky.
It has to be the perfect fit and correct color.
The back pockets squarely located on my butt.
I actually began my hunt for jeans, Sunday.
At Rustan's to use my 2002 birthday gift certificate.
I never realized that todays style was low waist.
I mean, sure, I knew! But not that low. Geez!
I felt, I was exposing way too much of my big butt.
Neither did I appreciate my tummy all bunched up. Folding like the Banaue rice terraces.
It wasn't a pleasant experience.
All the huffing and puffing in the fitting room.
My sister and I were hysterical.
We were laughing our asses off, literally.
Today, still no luck at Rockwell.
There was always something not quite right.
Even if my sister said they looked just fine on me.
I'm not giving up.
I'm determined to find the right one.
So I can finally retire my 'XOXO' jeans.

TV Guide
American Idol - Star World [Tues & Thurs 8pm]
A contest for aspiring singers. Currently featuring 12 11 finalists. 3 judges give their opinion about their singing prowess. It doesn't really matter, it's the viewers who call in to vote and ultimately choose the American Idol winner.
Simon Callow, despite his insulting comments does make very valid points. I'm impressed with the 2 Fil Am finalists. Although I'm sure they consider themselves American, not the least bit Filipino. My favorite is George Huff.

The Bachelor 3 - Studio 23 [Fridays 9pm]
A reality show featuring a single guy who chooses 1 woman out of 25 to whom he may propose marriage by the end of the show. This season, the bachelor is Andrew Firestone, the millionaire heir to the Firestone empire. He's rather cute in boyish looking kind of way. Not my type though!
Although I know whom he picked from the bevy of ladies, I still watch it weekly. The bitchiness of the bachelorettes, the dates at exquisite places and the exciting rose ceremony. Being a cynic, I don't think you can fall in love with someone in a matter of 6 weeks. But the romantic in me still swoon at the prospect of love blossoming despite such circumstances. After all, Trista met Ryan on this show. Now they are happily married.

For Love or Money 2 - Star World [Thurs 10pm]
A show with a lot of twists. First, Erin must pick a guy out of 15 hopefuls. The guys don't know, they can only choose one. Either Erin or US$ 1 Million. If that isn't confusing enough, once Erin has made her choice and the guy picks her, she will win a million dollars as well. If he picks the money over her, then she is not supposed to see him ever again. What a strange concept for a reality show.
Of course, I know whom Erin chose. I also know what his choice was. I'm rather impatient with these shows so I end up reading about it online. I believe she made a good choice. If I was ever on this show, which is doubtful but you get my drift - I would get the money. At the risk of sounding like a gold digger, I believe men come and go. A million dollars is a lot of money to forfeit. Guys are just accessories!

Chasing Time - National Geographic Channel
There are thirteen new cities and twenty-six lucky contenders race against the clock. Each pair is stranded in a city for twelve hours. They have to crack cryptic clues to complete eight exciting challenges. If they win, a luxury stay awaits them. Lose and they are on the next flight home. It is hosted by Trey Farley.
I love this show. Although I have no idea what time it is normally shown. I do catch bits and pieces. It involves travel and exploring new cities. It showcases sights and sounds that the average tourist in a new city won't get to discover.

I also regularly watch:
Third Watch [Star World Mondays 10pm]
Interesting series about paramedics, cops and fire fighters set in New York City.
Mind of the Married Man [HBO Tuesdays 10pm]
Funny show about the eccentricities of a married guy. For a guy, Mikey does have a lot of hang ups. He whines incessantly!
CSI - [AXN Wednesdays 9pm]
Excellent show about forensic experts with interesting cases. I like the fact that it pays very close attention to minute details.
Survivor: All Stars [Studio 23 Fridays 2pm]
8th edition of this reality show but it still rocks!

Slumbook Time
Because I'm bored. Yes at 3 A.M. I'm bored!!
I lack originality so I copied from someone's blog.

1. First Name?
Daphne
2. Were you named after anyone?
After my mother's favorite author - Daphne du Maurier.
3. Do you wish on stars?
Nope
4. Which finger is your favorite?
Right Index
5. When did you last cry?
Last night
6. Do you like your handwriting?
I hate it.
7. What is your favorite meat?
Pork
8. What are your bad habits?
Sleeping late.
9. What is your most embarrassing moment?
When I accidentally mistook a stranger's suitcase as mine at Charles de Gaulle Airport (Paris, France)
10. If you were another person, would you be friends WITH yourself?
Sure, I'm tolerable.
11. Are you a daredevil?
No
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Never
13. Does looks matter? Certainly not
14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? No
15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Perhaps
16. Do fish have feelings? Yes
17. Are you trendy? No I don't conform to trends
18. How do you release anger? I cry
19. Where is your second home? Antipolo
20. What came first the chicken or the egg? Egg
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? This little red car I drove my sister around the yard in. Oh hey I did drive, now that I remember it. Except that it was a toy car.
22. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Algebra
23. What's your goal in life? Be happy
24. Have you ever been on radio or television? No
25. Do u keep a journal? Does this blog count?
26. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes, a hell lot
27. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No
28. What do you look for in a guy/girl? Everyone is unique. You either accept them as they are or you move on. But having a sense of humor and intelligence helps.
29. What are your nicknames? Daph, Lau
30. Would you bungee? No
31. Do you un-tie your shoes when you take them off? No
32. What are you worried about right now? Why I can't sleep
33. Do you ever wear overalls? No
34. What's your favorite yosi? I don't smoke
35. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate
37. What is your least fav. thing in the world? Cockroaches
38. How many wisdom teeth do you have? 2
39. Are you in love with anyone? No
40. How many people have a crush on you right now? No idea.
41. Who do you miss most right now? Iyad

Favorite word of the moment
exasperate \Ex*as"per*ate\, [exasperated]
To irritate in a high degree; to provoke; to enrage; to inflame the anger of; to annoy greatly.
I will use the word in a sentence:
Filipino guys EXASPERATE me. I am referring to them in general. No one in particular.

Why?

They feel threatened by independent women.
"You must be rich to have your own place."
"Oh you have traveled to a lot of places."

They ask stupid questions like:
"You are not ugly, how come you are still single?"
"Don't you like men?"

They poke their nose into your business.
"Who is the text from?"
"Have you called your mother today?"

They are narrow minded and find you 'different'
coz you are over the limit & unmarried
coz you don't know how to drive
coz you spend money a lot - you're frivolous
coz you are out of their league

They always feel the need to score 'pogi points'
"Hey I've saved your # on my speed dial"

They are too clingy/ possessive
"I was waiting for your call where were you?"
"You haven't messaged me yet today"

The list continues. And it's a very LONG list.

ARGHHHH Puhleeeze! Give me a break!!!!

Greetings
I'd SMS you but I don't have your new number.
I'd call you at work but you might have a new job.
Besides it's Friday, no work day.
I haven't seen you online in ages.
I did email, just in case.
So let it not be said that I forgot.
Because I never forget important dates, ever.
Especially people who made a difference in my life.
In the distant past, you were my life.
So wherever you are!
Happy Birthday, Wajdi.

Another day at the mall [Megamall]
I pay my sister's Globe cellphone bill.
I pay Pacific Internet and Tri-isys bill.
Lunch with parents at Rai Rai Ken.
Munch. Gossip. Munch.
Hugs and kisses. Parents return to the 'alps'.
Mr Quickie to have black bag & shoes repaired.
2 P.M. SMS message.
R: Daph, sori can't make it 4 kopi today.
R: next tym na lang, my treat promise!
Me: ok np!
What I really wanted to say was:
WTF? Geez ok WHATEVER. Damn it!
I text my sister.
Me: R cancelled on me. I'll just take taxi home.
Sis: No don't! wait 4 me till 4:30 il pick u up.
Sis: il drop u off b4 going to class.
Me: ok il wait.
I look at my watch. It's only 2:20 P.M.
I roam in and out of shops.
I buy refreshingly yummy melon Zagu shake.
I enter Kamiseta.
Find pink linen top perfect for my capri pants.
I get Medium size. Enter fitting room.
FUCK! It doesn't fit. It's too small.
I shamefully ask "Miss, do you have this in Large?"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am that is the last one."
Time: 3:45 P.M.
I go to the freezing cold chapel on the 5th floor.
I sit down to reflect. I start to cry:
- because it was the perfect color for my pants.
- because medium doesn't fit me anymore.
- because I got stood up.
- because my feet were killing me.
- because it was so peaceful inside the chapel.
- because my contact lens were irritating me.
- because I miss him.
- because I still hurt.
Because! Because! Because!

Attitude problem
Alright so since I'm on a roll here.
Let me continue my tirade.
I don't like it when people assume they know me.
I don't like being patronized.
Most of all, people telling me how I should feel.
If you want to know. Just ask.
Never assume nor speculate.
Or worse, know for certain - my thoughts.
I have always been brutally honest.
No lies. No pretense.
If you had no intention of making an impression.
Why did you persist?
It is bad enough that I was vulnerable.
But to approach me under false pretenses.
Then suddenly bail out is very rude.
I cannot understand such an attitude.
I feel like I am the guilty party here.
But hey, I was just being myself.
I offered friendship without any strings attached.
Maybe you have a valid excuse and your reasons.
I guess I will never find out.
I've said my piece.
It was my pleasure to have known you.
For roughly 15 days.
No regrets. No hurt feelings.
I wish you all the best.

A Letter
Dear God,
Someone told me trials will make me stronger.
That YOU won't send them my way,
unless YOU knew I could handle them.
But if they are supposed to give me strength.
How come I don't feel so powerful?
That it only makes me.
More angry.
More sarcastic.
More cynical.
And my favorite emotion: more NUMB.
That I get immune from insults, rejections & pain.
Can't YOU see this is just a facade?
Don't YOU know that deep inside me.
Lies a deeply scarred heart?
That is now torn to bits and pieces?
Can YOU please have mercy on my bruised soul?
I don't like feeling this way.
I'm only human after all.

Pathetically yours,
DownAntagonisticPissedoffHaggardNumbElement.
aka Daphne

Games people play
Sometimes it feels like I have this sign which says: "Use Me" pasted on my forehead.
Some so called friends like to take advantage of my kindness. All in the name of friendship.
Case scenario # 1
6 A.M 1 new message:
L: Daph r u awake?
L: Daph pls can I borrow P2000?
Emergency lang, il pay u bak
L: Btw if J txts u, I left 4 opis na, ok?
Followed by 4 missed calls.

Case scenario # 2
A few minutes later.
J: Gud AM is L there? Hello?
J: Can I pls talk to L? Tell her 2 come home
Ist b4 going 2 da opis.
Followed by 3 missed calls.

No, I won't lend you money AGAIN.
I'm not a bank that dispenses cash, on demand.
I don't appreciate being a pawn in your 'adultery'.
Not just once. But several times. I've lost count.
I have enough drama in my life.
Please spare me from more theatrics.

Rules
I knew I should have never set rules for myself.
- be in bed by 2 A.M.
- stop drinking
- learn to say "NO"
- be less emotional
- control my anger
- be more defiant
- will not post my pictures on my blog
- stop blogging about my moods & lovelife

I've broken each of the above conditions.
But I'm proud to say that I'm still sticking to my Lenten sacrifice.
So I guess I am not beyond redemption.
After all, rules are meant to be broken, right?

Lists
I wish to
Watch Love Actually
Pamper myself [hot oil hair treatment]
Buy jeans and/or a denim skirt
Watch Menopause: the Musical at Music Museum
Upgrade to High Memory SIM card

BUT I have to
Buy graduation gifts for inaanaks
Find new work projects
Read several Time Magazines issues
Get my lamp fixed
Send e-greeting cards
Save money
Exercise

For sure, I rather [not necessarily in this order]
Sleep all day
Eat junk food
Be a couch potato
Fall in love again
Travel
Chat online
Have long phone conversations

Signs
Thursday Evening
8:10 P.M. --- my cellphone rings, long distance call.

9:30 P.M.--- I get chain letter email with a prayer.
Make a wish, say the prayer, send to 7 people. You will receive a rose as a sign, your wish has been granted. IT can be real/virtual/in a dream.

9:45 P.M. ---- For the very first time in my e-life, I forward an e-chain letter.

10 P.M.--- Dinner.

10:45 P.M. --- Studio 23, the Oprah Show.
Her whole set is adorned with bouquets of roses.
Me: Oh MY GOD!!! Are those roses?? (shocked)
My sister: Yeah! Are you blind? (puzzled)
Me: OH MY GOD (repeatedly)
My sister: What??? (irritated)
Me: NOTHING. Get me a glass of water please!

My wish --- SECRET
My sentiments --- Freaking out. Disbelief.
Reason --- This is my 3rd sign this past week.

I couldn't have said it better (a generic email)

Letting goTo let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.
It doesn't leave feelings of jealousy, anger or regret.
Letting go isn't winning or isn't losing.
It's not about pride.
It's not about how you appear.
It's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.
Letting go isn't blocking memories.
Or thinking sad thoughts.
It doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness.
It's not giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss & it's not defeat.
To let go is to cherish memories.
To overcome & to move on.
It is having an open mind.
And confidence in the future.
Letting go is accepting.
It is learning, experiencing & growing.
To let go is to be thankful for the experiences.
That made you laugh. Made you cry.
Made you grow.
It's about all that you have.
All that you had.
And all that you will soon gain.
Letting go is having courage to accept change.
And the strength to keep moving on.
Letting go is growing up.
It is realizing that the heart can sometimes
be the most potent remedy.
To let go is to open a door.
And to clear a path.
To set you free.

Color Coded Day
Wednesdays are usually spent at home.
Since we can't use the car from 7 A.M to 7 P.M.
The allotted time between 10 A.M to 3 P.M is good.
But it stresses you out to have a time limit.
Despite their valiant efforts to enforce silly schemes. Traffic is still bad.
So it's my clean.the.entire.condo.unit day.
Sweaty. Sneezing from all the dust.
Smelling like Lysol, Domex & floor wax.
Try to stuff everything into limited spaces.
Making semblance of the junk we call 'possessions'.
You would think 12 people live here. Not just 4.
But mostly just 2. Me & my sister.

"Prepare to be blown out of the water".
Yes, I was indeed blown away watching Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.
I was trying to figure out the genre.
Is it a comedy? Romantic tale?
An action/ adventure? Or a ghost story?
I couldn't focus on the movie last night.
Maybe it was the bad audio of the VCD I rented.
Or I was too tired from my trip yesterday.
Or that a phone call got me all flustered.
But I worship Johnny Depp. So I persisted.

Road Trip
My sister and I like to explore a new place, every month.
This month we chose Lipa City, Batangas.
So off we went with a full tank, food and parents in tow.
My sister driving, me the navigator/directions seeker/toll fee payer.
We paid P52 to exit the South Superhighway. Turned right towards Sto. Tomas.
Paid P16 to exit the Star Tollway, 86kms and 2 hours later - Lipa City.

A progressive city located in a valley between two mountains. Mt Malarayat and Mt Makulot.
It has branches of De la Salle College, AMA Computer College & STI College.
Shopping centers - Big Ben Plaza, Fiesta World Mall & Robinson's Lipa in the heart of the town.
Our first stop was the Basilica of San Sebastian. A beautiful church with a great architecture. We said our prayers & lit candles.
We then had lunch at Max's Restaurant.
We wanted to check out The Farm & the Carmelite Convent of Lipa where the Shrine of Our Lady Mary, Mediatrix of All Grace is located.
But it was getting late so it was time to head back.
We spent more hours stuck in traffic than reaching Lipa City.
But I didn't mind because on the way back my parents kept a running commentary about the history of Batangas, its people, & its delicacies.
The view was breathtaking.
It was quite a windy day so my hair was a mess.
Bad hair day = definitely no pictures day.

Choices
I watched "Something's Gotta Give" today. It was hilarious.
There were moments I was laughing so much, tears were in my eyes.
Then I realized I was crying not out of laughter anymore.
So I stopped. It wasn't a good idea to start hurting again.
I guess I picked the wrong movie to watch.
But I wanted to catch it before it was too late.
I'm not in the mood to review the film right now.
Suffice it to say, it is a nice romantic comedy with a great cast.
The last parts were filmed in Paris, my favorite city in the world. So it made my day.

New Look
I'm currently in the mood for a change.
My options are whether:
to get a new haircutto get a new cellphoneto get a new High Memory SIM card for my cellphonewhether I retain my old numberor get a new number all togetherto change the skin for my blog

Since most of them entails me spending money which I don't have, I will go with the last option. I'm still in the process of selecting which one to use.
I'm stuck between the dolphins and/or the notebook theme.
Either one would require me to code & decode the script into the templates of my blog. Something which takes too much effort. At least it gives me something to do. Instead of crying myself to sleep.

"Thank you very much"
That's the most common expression you hear during beauty pageants.
I have to admit I religiously watch them just like award shows.
Last night, Binibining Pilipinas was telecast on GMA 7.

I watch:
to make really nasty side comments about the contestants.to wait for someone to trip or step on her gown.to see which contestant had breast implants.to make fun of their physical assets during the swimsuit category.to criticize every long gown that is worn.to cringe during the interview portion followed by rip roaring laughter at their grammatical errors.to blast the judges since most of them are aging DOMs, foreign ambassadors, a basketball player, a politician and/or an actor.to guess which one would make the final 10.to constantly remark about their flaws.to admire their bravery for joining when they have a fat chance in hell of winning.

Ok so no one is perfect and I don't think I am better than them.
But it's fun to be really really bitchy. It's a blast.

I feel as empty as a drum
I've been staring at the blank screen for hours now.
No idea what to write about in this post.
I will just type the lyrics of a song that is stuck in my mind, right now.
But before I do that, I want to thank all my friends.
For their support. For their encouraging words. For their warmth.
Always being there for me as I weather through storms.
I've been through several failed relationships in a span of 5 years.
No wonder I'm tired.

Don't Know Why by Norah Jones
I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind forever

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come

Pain
I have no idea what brought it on.
Maybe I wanted closure.
But sometime around 3 AM Friday morning.
I told Iyad it was time for us to move on.
Everything I wanted to say in 2 long SMS messages.
Then I promptly switched my cellphone off.
I cried myself to sleep.
I woke up with a terrible headache.
Just in time to watch "Survivor".
Around 5pm, he replies back.
Ever so casually like it wasn't a big deal.
I cried again. I didn't respond back.
I know I will miss him
- when I'm still wide awake at the wee hours of the morning.
- when there will be good news & bad news I like to share.
- when I need someone to calm me down.
- when I just feel like hearing his voice.

The list isn't too long because I can't think clearly right now.
My heart is aching and I am keeping myself from messaging him.
I guess I'm not numb, after all.

A case of deja vu
In the midst of replying to Donna's email, I realized something.
Most of my relationships ended in the month of February.
Last year right after Valentine's Day, my ex bf vanished from my life.
No goodbyes, no closures ... Wajdi just faded away.
This year I am sensing a repeat of this scenario with Iyad.
Somehow deep in my soul, I knew it was bound to happen sooner than later.
And since February just ended, I might as well stick to the trend.
The strange thing about this is that I'm not distraught, I feel just fine.
I don't have the energy nor the stamina to fight for it.
I guess numb would be the appropriate word.
I just wish for ONCE ... Someone would fight for me.
God knows, by now, I'm already so tired of getting my heart broken.

Ranting time
Well what do you know? The weather is scorching hot already.
I was shocked when I saw the temperature was 35 deg C on this billboard
somewhere between Metrobank, Ortigas and the Podium.
Stifling humidity suffocates my room in the condo. I take 3 showers daily.
I am not a summer person. I hate to sweat because I melt.
So I'm expecting my electric bill to soar as high as the temperatures.

Friendster
"Many of you have replied to let us know that using Internet Explorer to
access Friendster is not working, you kept being brought back to the
login page. Until we fix this bug, you CAN Use Mozilla as your web browser
and you will NOT encounter this problem. If the Mozilla web browser is not
already installed on your computer, you can download it for free at
http://www.mozilla.org/" Again we apologize for any inconvenience,
-the Friendster team
That is the solution their customer service suggests.
Well heck never mind, I ain't downloading another web browser.
I will just wait till they fix the problem. They can take their sweet time.


Songs on my media player right now
1. Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes.
But my dreams they aren't as empty.
As my conscious seems to be. I have hours, only lonely.
My love is vengeance. That's never free.

2. Sting featuring Mary J. Blige - Whenever I say your name.
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out your name

3. Evanescence - My Immortal.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have. All of me.

Random Thoughts
I wonder what's up with Friendster.
For some reason, I can't seem to log on.
I even sent an email to their tech support.
Not that I'm that desperate to log on.
God knows, nothing fruitful came out of it.
I just joined out of curiosity.
I honestly don't know why people make such a fuss about it.

It's odd that HBO's the Sopranos isn't shown here.
It is fast paced, full of drama & violence, foul language and it kicks ass.
It was one of the shows which I watched regularly in Dubai.
And to think that it is an Islamic city and yet they show it.
Well sure it was on cable ... But still.
It is frustrating that I have now missed several seasons of this fab show.
Oh well.

I got my new passport today.
All 32 pages of it and with my.bad.hair.day picture glued on it.
Duly signed and now awaiting visa entries to be stamped in.
Boy! It saddens me how empty it looks now.
I love traveling. Packing suitcases. Sitting on a plane watching movies.
Drinking red wine. The slight turbulence. The airline food. The cramped seats. The suffocating cabin air. The seatbelt. The tiny toilet.
Going through immigration. Checking into hotel rooms.
Exploring the new sights, the cuisine, the people.
Basking in a different culture.
It invigorates my restless spirit. It perks me up. It makes my soul happy.
Ok fine ... I think you get my point.

"Find the strength. Find the courage. No matter what it takes.
Find the way home."
I discovered that at Rockwell, if you watch before 5pm, the ticket price is only P81. Geez, I'm ecstatic about this!
So there I was sitting for 2 and a half hours controling my bladder, while I watched Cold Mountain.
Taking in the beautiful scenery of North Carolina Romania.
Haunted by Alison Krause's rendition of Sting's composition "You will be my ain true love".
Breathlessly waiting while Inman made his long hard struggling way back to his Ada.
Meeting interesting characters along the way, supporting roles by good actors like Natalie Portman, Philip Seymour Hoffman & Giovanni Ribisi.
Laughing at the sly humour of Ruby ably played by Renee Zellweger who I believe truly deserves her acting awards. She really kicked ass! Way to go!
Feeling completely overwhelmed by Jude Law's strong screen presence.
Riveted at how luminous Nicole Kidman looks despite her efforts to downplay her appearance.
Impressed by Anthony Minghella's direction which reminded me of his other movie, The English Patient which is one of my favorite films of all time.
But most of all, leaving the theater hopeful that true love does exist. Even if it is only in the movies. No matter how difficult the circumstances if you believe in something, you will endure everything and eventually conquer.
Jude Law said 'You feel bruised from thinking about someone so much.'
Or something to that effect. A lovely line from a beautiful movie.

"I would like to thank the Academy"
4 hours glued to the TV is tedious.
But I endured since it was the 76th Annual Academy Awards live on RPN 9.
The Lord of the Rings made a clean sweep in all the categories it was nominated.
Master and Commander managed to sneak in a couple of times.
Sofia Coppola got her screenplay award for Lost in Translation.
Billy Crystal was hilarious, as usual.
Jack Black & Will Ferrell adding words to the music that signals the end of the acceptance speech was clever.
Ben Stiller coming out in his Starsky & Hutch attire was cute.
All my predictions for the major award categories won.

This post won't be complete unless I give my two cents worth about fashion.
Angelina Jolie's white ensemble was glamorous and very goddess-like.
Nicole Kidman can wear a blanket and still look very elegant. Notice how thin her waist line is? Geez! I wonder if she eats anything!
Catherine Zeta Jones' red form fitting gown brings out her glow but her raven hair was too plain.
Renee Zellweger gets my nod for looking regal in a sterling white gown with a big bow at the back along with a flowing train.
Sandra Bullock got the hair right but the feathers on her dress were hedious.
Jennifer Garner's tangerine frock with a full skirt is stunningly beautiful.
Charlize Theron & Naomi Watts wore nude colored beaded gowns - very chic.
Julia Roberts' shiny champagne hue dress + her complete look complements her film star status.
Scarlett Johansson's deep teal outfit doesn't justify her age. She is only 20!
Actresses like Susan Sarandon & Liv Tyler played it safe and stuck to black.
I have no idea what Uma Thurman was wearing. It looked like a bathrobe style thing going on. It was a mystery.
Diane Keaton, well only she can get away with her Annie Hall outfits.
But my favorite was this simple white dress with a brocade front design that Diane Lane was wearing. Very sexy.
Oh, Johnny Depp sporting a hairstyle reminiscent of his 21 Jumpstreet days is adorable, cute, gorgeous & yummy all at the same time!